Post by cam83 on Sept 23, 2003 18:00:23 GMT -5
She and Richard were always recording in the studio, taking the grueling photo sessions, doing promos, publicity, television, and everything else that went along with a celebrity maintaining their superstar status. It almost became unbearable.
Yet lots of kids wanted to be a celebrity, thinking that they would be happy to be adored, loved, and revered by millions. If only they knew that the price of fame was not all it seemed to be. Hollywood was the land of illusions. She knew that all too clearly. The other side of her heard what the doctors in the room were saying.
Steven Levenkron was telling Karen that she should continue her treatment.
"What! I am better! How can you say I need more treatment? Look at me! I am better! You're just like Richard and my family! I thought you were on my side," said Karen, on the verge of tears. Can't you see that I've gained the weight and maintained it…I'm still 108 pounds!"
Steven Levenkron stated gently, but firmly, "Karen, I am on your side, but I feel that you're not 100 percent cured. You're close, but there are still some things we need to discuss. Treating an anorexic, as you know takes a lot of time, and healing. We can't set time limits."
"But I spent so many months in New York! I gained 31 pounds! Doesn't that count for anything! The whole time I was here in Los Angeles, I never starved, took laxatives or anything. I am so much better. Why doesn't anyone believe me? Am I nothing? Doesn't my word mean anything to anyone?" Karen cried out in tears.
Her shoulders shook as the tears rolled down her face. Steven Levenkron went over to hug and console Karen, but she pushed him away. He paused, as if he didn't know what to make of her outburst.
He was happy though, that she made the effort to voice how she was feeling. Before her treatment, she had had a hard time telling people how she felt, for fear of hurting their feelings, even though she was the one who would end up hurt and even more alienated. She was slowly learning to stand up for herself, but even he knew that that would take awhile. It just didn't happen overnight. The nurse happened to come in and told the doctors that it was time for Karen to rest and that they should leave her. They left silently.
The nurse went to hug Karen, whose eyes looked so sad and lonely. The nurse felt such sympathy for this sad woman, who gave so much happiness to millions, and yet felt so alone. Poor girl, she thought to herself, as she left the room. She had always admired this Carpenter girl, and loved her music. She had been shocked when she had come on shift, and found out that this superstar had just suffered a horrible heart attack which nearly killed her.
Didn't this girl see that she was killing herself. Why couldn't she just eat? She didn't know about the young people nowadays, and their fads, especially starving themselves to the point of death.
The weeks went by, and Karen was released from the hospital. All she did was rest and re-evaluate her life. She had lots of time to think about that. But she was glad that she would be admitted out of the hospital and back home. While there, they did lots of tests, to see how much damage had been done to her heart. Upon learning about her condition of the heart, the doctors said they were surprised that her heart had lasted as it did. Her heart had been severely weakened by all those years of starvation and that was why she had suffered cardiac arrest. If the paramedics hadn't shown up when they did, she wouldn't be here today. That really scared Karen. But she was ecstatic to be leaving the hospital, and just going home.
Upon leaving, she was encircled by her family and a few close friends. She knew the reason why, when she saw the journalists and the photographers outside. As soon as they saw her, they ran toward them. Karen hid a smile, as she remembered that fans used to rush to her and Richard whenever they were on some concert tour. Now, it wasn't for her music and it wasn't fans that encircled her. It was the paparazzi.
She recognized some of them who were at her wedding, and different celebrity functions that the Carpenters had been invited to. She just wished that no one would be there to see her. She didn't want or need the attention right now. She just wanted to go to her condo and rest. They began to yell out questions to her, "Did you suffer from Anorexia?" "How much do you weigh now?" "Is it true that you used to take over 100 laxatives at a single time?" "How are you feeling?" "Are you going to continue singing?" "Is it true that you and your brother are separating, and that you are going solo instead?" "Are you and your husband getting back together?" "Did you ever vomit up your food?" Karen's face went pale, with fright.
She felt overwhelmed, and she was severely embarrassed, not only for herself, but for her family, as well. She wished that the floor could just open and swallow her. Why couldn't they just leave her alone? That got her into thinking, of how she felt so worthless. She had ruined her family's image. It was always something wrong with poor Karen, never Richard. He was a saint, in her opinion. Anything bad that he had done to her, or said to her, was excusable. She felt that that was alright. He was so involved with their career. What did she do? Just sing. He had the talent. Their Mom always praised Richard and his talent, but Karen never got praised for her vocals. It hurt, but what could she do? She wasn't about to complain. She just kept her fears and insecurities locked up deep inside of her, so that no one would know.
As they got into their cars, Agnes said, "Oh just great! Just what we need! Why can't they leave us alone? Everytime the phone rings it's one of them, always asking questions. I wish they would just mind their own business! And you! (Pointing to Karen) You are going to stay with us! None of this stuff about you going back to your condo. I'll watch over you and make sure that you get better!"
"But Mom! I am fine. I just need lots of rest. I promise that I won't run around as often as I have. I'll be fine. You don't need to blow this out of proportion", Karen stated as bravely as she could, without trying to waver. "Nonsense! You just suffered a heart attack! And we're not supposed to worry? We almost lost you! You will stay with us, and I'll make sure that you get plenty of rest and good, nutritious meals. You've already lost another 9 pounds during your stay in the hospital. You're only 99 pounds. I'll make sure you get up to 120 pounds. A woman of your size and frame needs to be heavier. Never you mind about what the media says. And I don't believe in this psychotherapy garbage. None of us do. I will not allow this doctor of yours to come into our house. I won't allow it. You hear me Karen? You can get better on your own, with all of us to help you," said Agnes, with no intention of listening to Karen argue with her.
Karen glanced out the window, and could see the city flash by. Nothing had changed. She knew that with all her heart. She felt empty. The tears began to fall, but she would not give her family the satisfaction of seeing her cry. She would try to be strong. Her mother was her boss, and her Dad, Richard, and herself were under Agnes' strong willed domination.
Here she was a grown woman, and she was so scared of her mother, and the little love she felt from Mom, well, she just couldn't lose it. What would she do without her Mom's love? Her Dad's or even Richard's. She felt like such a little girl again. Overtime she was with her family, she felt all her hard earned independence just vanish. She felt she had to be the good little girl again. She kept quiet, as Harold and Agnes conversed over seemingly trivial things.
She felt all alone sitting in the backseat all by herself. Richard was meeting them at Newville Avenue. She should have ridden with him, but she knew that he would have had strict orders to convince Karen to stay at their parents. Everything seemed to hinge on what their parents wanted, and more importantly, with what their Mom expected. If only she could find the self-confidence to totally tear herself away from her suffocating family routine. She had tried several times in the past, but that just led to her family being upset with her. She was left with such guilt, that she came back with apologies. And the whole d**ned cycle began.
She got out of the car slowly, as they pulled to the side of the house. Richard was already there, unpacking his car of her belongings, and all the gifts and stuff that she had received while in the hospital.
Her parents would not hear of Karen helping with her belongings, and Karen even felt more helpless, just like an invalid, which she didn't feel like.
She glanced at the house, but it was the same. It seemed hard to believe that over 18 days had passed since she was last here. It was now February 22, 1983. She walked into the house quietly. She sank into the couch, and she was terribly exhausted. She could not even convince herself to walk up to the bedroom where everything began and ended for her. She didn't even know if she would ever get the courage to go up to her brother's room. While deep in thoughts, she fell asleep.
Yet lots of kids wanted to be a celebrity, thinking that they would be happy to be adored, loved, and revered by millions. If only they knew that the price of fame was not all it seemed to be. Hollywood was the land of illusions. She knew that all too clearly. The other side of her heard what the doctors in the room were saying.
Steven Levenkron was telling Karen that she should continue her treatment.
"What! I am better! How can you say I need more treatment? Look at me! I am better! You're just like Richard and my family! I thought you were on my side," said Karen, on the verge of tears. Can't you see that I've gained the weight and maintained it…I'm still 108 pounds!"
Steven Levenkron stated gently, but firmly, "Karen, I am on your side, but I feel that you're not 100 percent cured. You're close, but there are still some things we need to discuss. Treating an anorexic, as you know takes a lot of time, and healing. We can't set time limits."
"But I spent so many months in New York! I gained 31 pounds! Doesn't that count for anything! The whole time I was here in Los Angeles, I never starved, took laxatives or anything. I am so much better. Why doesn't anyone believe me? Am I nothing? Doesn't my word mean anything to anyone?" Karen cried out in tears.
Her shoulders shook as the tears rolled down her face. Steven Levenkron went over to hug and console Karen, but she pushed him away. He paused, as if he didn't know what to make of her outburst.
He was happy though, that she made the effort to voice how she was feeling. Before her treatment, she had had a hard time telling people how she felt, for fear of hurting their feelings, even though she was the one who would end up hurt and even more alienated. She was slowly learning to stand up for herself, but even he knew that that would take awhile. It just didn't happen overnight. The nurse happened to come in and told the doctors that it was time for Karen to rest and that they should leave her. They left silently.
The nurse went to hug Karen, whose eyes looked so sad and lonely. The nurse felt such sympathy for this sad woman, who gave so much happiness to millions, and yet felt so alone. Poor girl, she thought to herself, as she left the room. She had always admired this Carpenter girl, and loved her music. She had been shocked when she had come on shift, and found out that this superstar had just suffered a horrible heart attack which nearly killed her.
Didn't this girl see that she was killing herself. Why couldn't she just eat? She didn't know about the young people nowadays, and their fads, especially starving themselves to the point of death.
The weeks went by, and Karen was released from the hospital. All she did was rest and re-evaluate her life. She had lots of time to think about that. But she was glad that she would be admitted out of the hospital and back home. While there, they did lots of tests, to see how much damage had been done to her heart. Upon learning about her condition of the heart, the doctors said they were surprised that her heart had lasted as it did. Her heart had been severely weakened by all those years of starvation and that was why she had suffered cardiac arrest. If the paramedics hadn't shown up when they did, she wouldn't be here today. That really scared Karen. But she was ecstatic to be leaving the hospital, and just going home.
Upon leaving, she was encircled by her family and a few close friends. She knew the reason why, when she saw the journalists and the photographers outside. As soon as they saw her, they ran toward them. Karen hid a smile, as she remembered that fans used to rush to her and Richard whenever they were on some concert tour. Now, it wasn't for her music and it wasn't fans that encircled her. It was the paparazzi.
She recognized some of them who were at her wedding, and different celebrity functions that the Carpenters had been invited to. She just wished that no one would be there to see her. She didn't want or need the attention right now. She just wanted to go to her condo and rest. They began to yell out questions to her, "Did you suffer from Anorexia?" "How much do you weigh now?" "Is it true that you used to take over 100 laxatives at a single time?" "How are you feeling?" "Are you going to continue singing?" "Is it true that you and your brother are separating, and that you are going solo instead?" "Are you and your husband getting back together?" "Did you ever vomit up your food?" Karen's face went pale, with fright.
She felt overwhelmed, and she was severely embarrassed, not only for herself, but for her family, as well. She wished that the floor could just open and swallow her. Why couldn't they just leave her alone? That got her into thinking, of how she felt so worthless. She had ruined her family's image. It was always something wrong with poor Karen, never Richard. He was a saint, in her opinion. Anything bad that he had done to her, or said to her, was excusable. She felt that that was alright. He was so involved with their career. What did she do? Just sing. He had the talent. Their Mom always praised Richard and his talent, but Karen never got praised for her vocals. It hurt, but what could she do? She wasn't about to complain. She just kept her fears and insecurities locked up deep inside of her, so that no one would know.
As they got into their cars, Agnes said, "Oh just great! Just what we need! Why can't they leave us alone? Everytime the phone rings it's one of them, always asking questions. I wish they would just mind their own business! And you! (Pointing to Karen) You are going to stay with us! None of this stuff about you going back to your condo. I'll watch over you and make sure that you get better!"
"But Mom! I am fine. I just need lots of rest. I promise that I won't run around as often as I have. I'll be fine. You don't need to blow this out of proportion", Karen stated as bravely as she could, without trying to waver. "Nonsense! You just suffered a heart attack! And we're not supposed to worry? We almost lost you! You will stay with us, and I'll make sure that you get plenty of rest and good, nutritious meals. You've already lost another 9 pounds during your stay in the hospital. You're only 99 pounds. I'll make sure you get up to 120 pounds. A woman of your size and frame needs to be heavier. Never you mind about what the media says. And I don't believe in this psychotherapy garbage. None of us do. I will not allow this doctor of yours to come into our house. I won't allow it. You hear me Karen? You can get better on your own, with all of us to help you," said Agnes, with no intention of listening to Karen argue with her.
Karen glanced out the window, and could see the city flash by. Nothing had changed. She knew that with all her heart. She felt empty. The tears began to fall, but she would not give her family the satisfaction of seeing her cry. She would try to be strong. Her mother was her boss, and her Dad, Richard, and herself were under Agnes' strong willed domination.
Here she was a grown woman, and she was so scared of her mother, and the little love she felt from Mom, well, she just couldn't lose it. What would she do without her Mom's love? Her Dad's or even Richard's. She felt like such a little girl again. Overtime she was with her family, she felt all her hard earned independence just vanish. She felt she had to be the good little girl again. She kept quiet, as Harold and Agnes conversed over seemingly trivial things.
She felt all alone sitting in the backseat all by herself. Richard was meeting them at Newville Avenue. She should have ridden with him, but she knew that he would have had strict orders to convince Karen to stay at their parents. Everything seemed to hinge on what their parents wanted, and more importantly, with what their Mom expected. If only she could find the self-confidence to totally tear herself away from her suffocating family routine. She had tried several times in the past, but that just led to her family being upset with her. She was left with such guilt, that she came back with apologies. And the whole d**ned cycle began.
She got out of the car slowly, as they pulled to the side of the house. Richard was already there, unpacking his car of her belongings, and all the gifts and stuff that she had received while in the hospital.
Her parents would not hear of Karen helping with her belongings, and Karen even felt more helpless, just like an invalid, which she didn't feel like.
She glanced at the house, but it was the same. It seemed hard to believe that over 18 days had passed since she was last here. It was now February 22, 1983. She walked into the house quietly. She sank into the couch, and she was terribly exhausted. She could not even convince herself to walk up to the bedroom where everything began and ended for her. She didn't even know if she would ever get the courage to go up to her brother's room. While deep in thoughts, she fell asleep.
