Carpenters: What they mean to you...

[smoothie2]

:)It's good to have those quiet times...all of us should have those times doing what we like to do the best or something that makes us feel good about ourselves and where we are in our lives. My quiet times usually are spent hearing the Carps. almost every day and I must have pray.
I try to take a walk around the block or 2 if the weather's good.
I play games on computer. Mostly an arcade pin ball thing.
I clock in to the forum now and then.
::)and so it goes...

[Tracey]

Thank you so much guys! I am so relieved now. It is really wonderful to be able to be honest about the insanity that touches you and not have people turn you away. I truly am crazy, but I'm not a danger to anyone ! I'm glad I was honest about it and I can't tell you what it means to have your kind responses! I never speak of those days to anyone in my life now, only those people from my past know. Even though I still struggle over every thing I eat, I don't let it stop me from eating and I am at a healthy weight - just incase I concerned anyone on that point! Don't worry - I am committed to good health.

Rick - I know what you mean about Karens voice - you put that beautifully! I think its great that you have this understanding with yourself - that you know when your psyche NEEDS some alone time. It puts you ahead of the game. So many people are out of touch with what they truly need and they don't know how "to feed themselves". Bravo to you!

Beth and Smoothie- Thank you too! By the way - I hum "Won't Last a Day without You alot!" It has special meaning to me - something from my childhood, but I can no longer remember THAT story (thank goodness for you!) but it remains one of my favorite Carpenter tunes!

Okay,Here is something weird -- Once I was in a treatment center- I think it was my third treatment center - and it was weigh in (they weighed us every day) and I was telling the orderly who was doing the weight charts (He was very handsome - all the skinny girls and I had a sort of crush on him - but he was very dry or scientific or something ) how I think Karen watches over all sufferers of eating disorders - like an angel. He said he wasn't too sure about things like that and I could tell he wasn't going to be open minded about it so I dropped it. As we were waiting the few seconds for the weight to balance out there was a silence. It was a little tense. I felt foolish having said that to him. I think he didn't know what to say. There seemd to be a bit of tension between us as we both stared at the weight and it slowed its rocking. Then, IN THE MIDDLE OF THIS MOMENT Karens voice came over the radio in the room singing Only Yesterday! He looked at me and I looked at him and we both laughed and then I said kind of cockey, "You see?" and he just looked back at me like I was a nut and then he said "good! you are up a half a pound" and I said "you sure know how to kill a moment" and hopped off the scale and out of the room. Exiting the room I passed the line of girls anxiously waiting to be "weighed in" --I looked at them as I kept walking and said very loudly so the orderly would hear "Yes Girls, Karen IS watching over us today!" And I don't think they had a clue who I was talking about! I think they probably thought I was in a "high mood" because I had lost a pound or something. I didn't care. I headed back to my room to write it down in my diary! I will never forget that as long as I live. Of course, it WAS an easy listening radio station, but just what are the chances that a Carpenters tune would come across the waves JUST at that second. Even if it is just a coincidence you have to admit - it's a doozy!

It's late here and I am off to bed, but I wanted to acknowledge your responses before I head off to dreamland! LOads of Love and HUGS to you all!

Tracey

[smoothie2]

???glad we can encourage each other ...and that is quite a deal about Karen watching over you as you weighed in...glad that happened!

[BethMosior]

that was coooool Tracey Thanx and Only Yesterday is one of my top favorite songs the part about " after long enough of being alone everyone must face their share of loneliness,in my own time nobody knew the pain I was going through,and waiting was all my heart could do, hope was all I had until you came " Richard & Karen always pop into my mind that and all their songs really do help the mind glad to hear that you are doing much better and pray that things will only get better for you I really thank Jesus Christ for bringing the Carpenters my way and all of you in the forum Thanx

[Rob813]

Wow. I've been off the forum for a few days and I've just read Tracey's account of what he's been through. Thanks Tracey for your incredible honesty. I can relate to many of the things you have written. Although I didn't battle with the intense grip of anorexia, I struggled with body image problems, having gone from a normal of 155 lbs. to 138 lbs. I'm 5'11" so I was very thin. I was living on 800 calories a day. I also have struggled with my sexuality. To this day, loneliness is a constant problem for me. I was 15 when the Carpenters first burst upon the scene with Close To You. It was difficult time for me. 1970 was not a very open time to talk about what one was feeling. I kept it all inside. Fortunately, Karen and Richard's music was an oasis from my problems. Like Rick, I too listened to their music almost exclusively. I believe it saved my life. There were problems in my home between my mother and step-father and I had to deal with my own inner demons. K and R's music saw me through it all. I was fortunate enough to attend 2 of their concerts in New Jersey and was a fan club member from 1970 until it was disbanded. I think I knew more about Carps then I did about myself! Anyway their music had continued to play a huge role in my life. If I'm happy or sad, I know I can listen and sometimes sing along with all my Carpenter songs (they're like friends to me). They never lose their ability to soothe and comfort me. Thanks everyone for your wonderful words of truth and honesty. I love you guys.

Rob

P.S. I finally made it to California in April 2003 and made a pilgrimage to Karen's grave. It only took me 20 years and now Richard moved it. Some timing huh!

[enigma]

Thank you for your honesty Tracey it took alot of courage to tell your story and I believe (or hope) it was therapedic (sp) in some way for you.
I was saddened by Karens death as all of you no doubt were but always got comfort in the fact that her death did put the spotlight on a disease that was long overdue; Much like Rock Hudsons death did for AIDS (a disease well known in the gay community). I'm sure that if she is out there she is happy that in her death she helped you and so many others deal with this illness. It is stories like this that make me think that there must have been a reason Karen died when she did. Karen gave so much in her life, continues to and will continue to give; that is another reason why I will always love Karen.
Good story Tracey and I hope you tell that to you grandchildren someday (if you choose to have children)
Also liked that coincidence (or sign from Karen) especially since I love Only Yesterday if she ever contacts me I hope she plays that one too. Count me among your cyberfriends as well.

[Drivin Dave]

This is a good thread. First, let me say this: Hey Tracey; we love you for what you are. There is a reason she sang to you, you just have to find it. For me, her early music spoke volumes of the awkwardness and frustration of relationships and love. I was 15 in 1970, and love for me was a lot like trying to get a car with a stick shift into gear. Without the clutch!
We here in Western PA are blessed with two AM stations, 770 and 620, that play a lot of Carpenters songs. I began to listen again, at work, because I've grown bored with the Clear Channel radio pablum. The guys jag me whenever Karen comes on, so I go with the running gag. However, I seem to have an osmotic effect on them and they have been singing along. This is a bunch that likes Korn and goes to Ozzfest every year.
The music is mile markers along the road of life for me. There have been many things that have happened in the past 16 months that have caused me to become introspective, because the view through my windshield of the road I'm on has become unpredictable, and I've felt as if larger forces have pushed me down this path. Sometimes the view in the rear-view mirror comforts me, and allows me to go on. I remember where I was, what I was doing, and what I was driving, and then I think about how much better today is than yesterday, and that tomorrow may be even brighter than today. For me, Karen will always be my big sister, older and wiser. But we've had 21 years now to soldier on, and keep her memory alive.
What if she'd met some nice ordinary guy, hung 'em up, and settled into an "ordinary" life? Would Karen, driving her minivan, taking her kids to Little league games, have ever fit?

[JIM]

Dear Tracey I am so glad your still
here with us and I do beleive karen
was sending you a message that day
in the hospital so you would fight
to get your health back, there are
no coinsidenses God knew you needed
that song to instill faith back into your heart. It makes me feel
better knowing that Karens death as
hard as it was to accept saved your
life and countless others, she is
an angel. When Karen died for years
I just couldn't make sense of it, or what could drive a person to such lengths. Although my experience is far from the severity
of yours, I did go threw an experience that allowed me to understand more about risking your
health in the name of trying to fit
what society deems beautifull and
and a little closer to uderstanding
how a person like Karen could get
caught up in a life threatning cycle, that for years never made sense. For me it was weight lifting
and getting bigger. It started out
as a helthy part of my life at age
20 and I noticed that I was getting
attention and over the next 15yrs
it stayed in check and I wasnt hurting myself. Then I moved to south Florida where looks really rule the road. Then my partner of 7yrs left me and I got into steroids and unlike anorexia I could not eat, workout, or lift weights enough. No matter how big
I got it was not enough. people would say enough your getting to big but all I saw in the mirror was
someone to skinny and if I got bigger my lover would take me back
Heart problems run in my family and
my dad had a heart attack at 37.Well at 37 I was guzzling androl50 like it was candy and I was so big people called me noneck
because I literally had none. Then I was almost fired from my job as a
flight attendant because of my size
but I would tell people I stopped
just to get them off my back. Then
I started having chest pains and my
doctor told me I had an enlarged heart and to lay off whatever I was
doing but go right back to it because all I could see was a skrawny person in the mirror. Then
by some strange twist I auditioned
for a German cigarette commercial
they were looking for a person who
looked like someone who looked like
they worked on a tanker or an oil rig. Well I did the commercial but
my agent said if I wanted anymore work I would have to shed some bulk
or no one else would want me so I did but it was tough to let go of my overblown body. So then I enter
the world of doing extra parts in soaps and trying to land another commercial, after about a year of this insanity and watching people go to pieces over there looks. At 40 I said enough is enough and walked away. When I look back at pictures of when I was really big I
can now see just how out of touch with reality I was I was a spectacle. I still have to fight with looking in the mirror and seeing whats really there but I am a much happier person just being Jim. And I am finally living free
of trying to change myself. Society
creates such unrealistic ideals.
Its no wonder there are diseases like Anorexia. I still wish karen
was making music and knew how much
we all loved her. I fell in love with her voice at the age of 6 and
it really has a physical effect on
me. As soon as I hear voice I relax
and feel at peace. I have loved the
sound of her voice for 34yrs and I
can't think of many days where I have not listened to there music.
What a gift she gave us all.
JIM

[Tracey]

Hi Jim,
Thank you for that amazing post! I did wonder sometimes if there was an opposite sort of disorder that weight lifters have. I see guys at the gym that are just way out of proportion and I couldn't help but remember a time when I was also out of proportion, physically, although in the opposite direction(and like you I couldn't see it until I saw a picture years later!)

I am so glad you gave up the steroids and escaped your fathers unfortuante fate. What you said about society having ridiculous standards is so true. I just wish I could forgive my body for not meeting them!! When I read your post and especially that comment about the societal standards I felt a little better about myself. Like maybe I am normal after all!! THANK YOU for saying that! It seems like alot of people understand that these standards are "out there" and unhealthy. So why don't we as a society do something to change it?? I have friends in the UK -- and in France that say there is not such a focus on image in their countries. So why here? It's crazy. " What the world needs now..... is love... sweet love......

Anyway, I am leaving in the AM for Mass. for my show and won't be on a computer until wednesday -- see you guys then!!

Love to you all and a big hug to you, Jim!

Tracey

[Ariel]

What did they mean to me? A haunting voice and harmonies that stunned my young teenage ears at the first listen; eagerly awaited trips to the local "five & ten" (remember those?) to purchase their latest "single" or album; hours spent singing along with the rich melodies and heartfelt lyrics downstairs in our basement "rec" room with a make-believe microphone; my first "live" concert attendance. And, today? They mean quality music that lives on...music that is as meaningful now as it was then, and a voice that is as one-of-a-kind in 2004 as it was in 1970. I hear their songs played while I'm shopping at the malls, and I spin them on my CD player at home. The Carpenters are still providing enjoyable music over thirty years later...

[cam83]

Hello all dear Carpenter friends,
Well, for me it is Karen's voice and Richard's arrangements that do it for me. Karen's voice was of golden honey, so pure, so crystalline and she could let the emotions of her soul come thru loud and clear into a song. Also Richard's haunting arrangements, coupled with Karen's voice...It's hard to explain how they make me feel, their music. I have never heard anything quite like their sound...it was in a class of its own...

I always felt that despite the pain I was going thru in my life in my teens with anorexia and bulimia( as a result of being physically and emotionally abused) and other other traumas, their music helped soothe some of the pain I was feeling, for this golden voiced songbird knew what I was feeling too. ONLY YESTERDAY became my favorite song as did RAINY DAYS AND MONDAYS, as sometimes I felt like "a lonely clown, feeling like I don't belong" Their music took me thru that turbulent time in my life, and gave me a voice to the pain I was feeling. Even my anorexia was kind of brushed aside, "Oh you are just trying to be like Karen Carpenter" really hurt me. And I felt misunderstood, but I kept on smiling and being perfect to those around me. Even when I was thin, I felt if I was just 100 pounds I would be happy...
Tracy, I could definately related to you in some ways. My heart goes out to all of you have suffered.

My thoughts,
Cameron