Post by cam83 on Sept 25, 2003 13:28:58 GMT -5
Karen just stared at the wall, all confused. Everyone knew what a failure she was. They knew her for what she was. When she went down a street, they would know, and talk behind her back and say what a mental case she was.
She finally placed the magazine in her drawer, instead of throwing it against the wall, which she wanted to do. She hated being in her parent's home. To her it was like a prison. She knew that they were well meaning, but it just didn't seem fair. She should be out enjoying the beautiful day, taking walks in the park, socializing with friends. Even then, she was only allowed to use the phone on a sparingly basis, and for short periods of time. She felt so angry, but she tried her best to keep the anger deeply hidden. It would do no good for anyone to get angry. She knew that if she showed it, she would just blow up. She tried her best to punish the family by using her anorexic secrets. She now weighed 93 pounds, and she planned to get thinner. It was the only way she could deal with her situation. If she was going to be treated as a child, she would act as one, and she knew that it was childish, but she didn't care anymore.
When she was starving herself, she was punishing herself, and in a way, punishing her parents. It was her own way to control whatever was left to control. Which usually was nothing but food consumption. It was a wonderful way of feeling, almost euphoric, on some kind of high, as if she could run 100 miles and not eat a thing. Why did she need to eat? She could survive on nothing? She was special, one of a kind, and she had the willpower and the determination.
Her parents seemed even more baffled, than ever before. Would this ever end? Why were they being punished? What had they done to deserve this? They just could not understand why their daughter would willingly starve herself. So what if she had big hips! The girls nowadays all wanted to be so skinny and all this dieting nonsense.
Richard came by everyday. It wasn't fair that when he got sick with his Quaalude addiction, no one made such a big deal, when he recovered. He was such the perfect son, who could do no wrong, and everyone thought he was such a big deal. As for herself, it bothered her that no one seemed to be supporting her. That was what she wanted so very much. To be loved, and valued. To have people say Karen we love you; we want for you to be happy. What can we do to help? Did she have to beg for such attention?
The whole family was stuck in a routine that was familiar and safe for all of them. They went out for breakfast, and then came home. Mom cooked lunch and Supper, and at mealtimes, Karen was watched by 3 sets of eyes. She would not eat potatoes, eggs or breads. She just knew that she would blimp up to her weight of 145 plus pounds and that terrified her still. She hated it when her parents or Richard got on her case about her weight, even though they said that they were just concerned about her and they loved her. She loved all of the attention, and yet on the other hand, she hated it. It reminded her of the song that they had recorded called TWO SIDES. Secretly, Karen used laxatives again, although not as many as before. She also began to vomit her food up. It scared her that afterwards, her voice felt very hoarse and her throat sore. At least she wasn't singing in the recording studio, otherwise she would have been in terrible trouble. Everyone would have guessed the truth.
Karen had a scale hidden in her room, and she would use it all the time, and she found that in just a few weeks, she had dropped to 87 pounds. There was no concealing the truth now. Her family knew that she was once again up to her old tricks. Even wearing multi layers of clothes did not seem to help. Her bones began to show, and her skin sagged.
Now her family was just getting mad. They were quite angry because they felt that Karen was destroying the Carpenters wholesome image. Every tabloid magazine was writing up stories of Karen's anorexia, and they were interviewing friends and co-workers. They were sensationalizing the whole illness of Karen, in order to sell more copies. The People Weekly issue sold over 2.8 million copies with the title, "Near Death Experience of Pop Star Karen Carpenter."
She finally placed the magazine in her drawer, instead of throwing it against the wall, which she wanted to do. She hated being in her parent's home. To her it was like a prison. She knew that they were well meaning, but it just didn't seem fair. She should be out enjoying the beautiful day, taking walks in the park, socializing with friends. Even then, she was only allowed to use the phone on a sparingly basis, and for short periods of time. She felt so angry, but she tried her best to keep the anger deeply hidden. It would do no good for anyone to get angry. She knew that if she showed it, she would just blow up. She tried her best to punish the family by using her anorexic secrets. She now weighed 93 pounds, and she planned to get thinner. It was the only way she could deal with her situation. If she was going to be treated as a child, she would act as one, and she knew that it was childish, but she didn't care anymore.
When she was starving herself, she was punishing herself, and in a way, punishing her parents. It was her own way to control whatever was left to control. Which usually was nothing but food consumption. It was a wonderful way of feeling, almost euphoric, on some kind of high, as if she could run 100 miles and not eat a thing. Why did she need to eat? She could survive on nothing? She was special, one of a kind, and she had the willpower and the determination.
Her parents seemed even more baffled, than ever before. Would this ever end? Why were they being punished? What had they done to deserve this? They just could not understand why their daughter would willingly starve herself. So what if she had big hips! The girls nowadays all wanted to be so skinny and all this dieting nonsense.
Richard came by everyday. It wasn't fair that when he got sick with his Quaalude addiction, no one made such a big deal, when he recovered. He was such the perfect son, who could do no wrong, and everyone thought he was such a big deal. As for herself, it bothered her that no one seemed to be supporting her. That was what she wanted so very much. To be loved, and valued. To have people say Karen we love you; we want for you to be happy. What can we do to help? Did she have to beg for such attention?
The whole family was stuck in a routine that was familiar and safe for all of them. They went out for breakfast, and then came home. Mom cooked lunch and Supper, and at mealtimes, Karen was watched by 3 sets of eyes. She would not eat potatoes, eggs or breads. She just knew that she would blimp up to her weight of 145 plus pounds and that terrified her still. She hated it when her parents or Richard got on her case about her weight, even though they said that they were just concerned about her and they loved her. She loved all of the attention, and yet on the other hand, she hated it. It reminded her of the song that they had recorded called TWO SIDES. Secretly, Karen used laxatives again, although not as many as before. She also began to vomit her food up. It scared her that afterwards, her voice felt very hoarse and her throat sore. At least she wasn't singing in the recording studio, otherwise she would have been in terrible trouble. Everyone would have guessed the truth.
Karen had a scale hidden in her room, and she would use it all the time, and she found that in just a few weeks, she had dropped to 87 pounds. There was no concealing the truth now. Her family knew that she was once again up to her old tricks. Even wearing multi layers of clothes did not seem to help. Her bones began to show, and her skin sagged.
Now her family was just getting mad. They were quite angry because they felt that Karen was destroying the Carpenters wholesome image. Every tabloid magazine was writing up stories of Karen's anorexia, and they were interviewing friends and co-workers. They were sensationalizing the whole illness of Karen, in order to sell more copies. The People Weekly issue sold over 2.8 million copies with the title, "Near Death Experience of Pop Star Karen Carpenter."
